


You Don't Have to Be Alone

by cinnamonrollpuff



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Cheating, Clexa, F/F, Heavy Emotions, Jealousy, Lexa has a crush, Love, Massive angst, Massive emotions, Try to handle your emotions, douchebag Finn, eventual clexa, very sad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-20
Updated: 2016-06-29
Packaged: 2018-05-15 02:13:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5767375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cinnamonrollpuff/pseuds/cinnamonrollpuff
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lexa has been in love with Clarke ever since she laid her eyes on her in the beginning of the school year, but the blonde is too blind to see that and Lexa gets jealous of her boyfriend. Finn gets homophobic and Lexa gets reminded of her past. She starts cutting herself and feels like she has no one. Clarke decides to be with her.</p><p>WARNING: Suicidal thoughts and self harm occurs.</p><p>Love story between Clarke and Lexa, but also, I'm trying to spread awareness that there are people who go through this every day. Please help them out if you see somebody being bullied because of who they are. You could save a life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Smear the Queer

"Okay class please take your seats. Clarke stop kissing Finn" Kane said not looking up from his papers.

When Lexa heard Kane say this, she turned around and found Clarke giggling with her boyfriend, Finn Collins. She absolutely hated him. He acted like a total asshole around Lexa and Lexa would do nothing. Not even tell Clarke. This guy was literally the worst human being on the planet, Lexa thought. Sometimes, she would imagine Finn being slowly eaten by zombies. That wasn't true. Okay, maybe it was. She just absolutely HATED Finn.

Lexa started getting to work on her assignment while Clarke left the classroom to go to the bathroom. When she left, Lexa could hear Finn behind her laughing with Murphy and Atom. Finn high fived Murphy and crumpled up a small piece of paper silently, so that nobody could hear it. Lexa was completely focused on the assignment until she felt a piece of paper hit the back of her head. Finn was giggling along with his friends, which Kane took notice in.

"Collins and crew settle down."

"Yes sir." Finn said with a smile on his face.

Finn decided not to stop messing with Lexa though. This time, he wrote on a piece of paper with a red sharpie and put the word " **DYKE** " on it. Lexa didn't take notice because she just wanted for the day to be over. She wanted to go back to being a depressed little teenager and go back home with her sister Anya, and father, Gustus. She absolutely hated school, but still somehow achieved a straight A average. Finn would call her a nerd sometimes, but she took no offense in the boy's stupidity.

Lexa was trying to calm herself when another piece of paper landed on her desk. She opened it and read the word **DYKE** written. She suddenly got furious because the homophobic douchebag wouldn't leave her alone and she was not getting pissed at him. It was one thing to tease her, but to make fun of her sexuality was another. Lexa had a hard time in her other school with her sexuality and left that homophobic state. She wasn't going to let this douchebag ruin her school life.

She took the paper and stood up, holding the paper down to Finn's face.

"Anything else you wanna say douchebag?"

"Lexa!" Kane said from behind with a shocked look.

Clarke got out of the bathroom and walked into the class with a arched brow.

"Do you have any fucking idea how much shit I've been through? You think you can just come here and make fun of my damn sexuality? You can go to hell you stupid prick."

"Lexa that is enough!"

"Fuck you Collins. I hope you fail this class like you do with your other ones."

Lexa grabbed her bag and walked out of the classroom, ignoring Clarke's shocked and confused face. She also ignored Mr. Kane's yelling from behind. She felt her heart beating with so many emotions. So much memories from what happened 2 years ago.

 

_"Burn in hell you dyke!!" The girl said hovering Lexa with her friends surrounding her._

_Lexa was on the ground flinching in pain as she looked at the other kids above her laughing and throwing pieces of paper at her face._ _"Guys! Who wants to smear the queer?"_

_Lexa looked up at them wanting to get away, but her legs were in too much pain._

_"SMEAR THE QUEER! SMEAR THE QUEER!" The others chanted while writing all over Lexa with black sharpies. Lexa didn't cry, nor had the energy to tell them to stop._

_"Burn in hell Lexa!"_

_"You're a queer!"_

_"Fuck you Lexa!"_

_"Lexa!"_

 

"Lexa!"

Lexa was back to reality and turned to see Clarke looking at her with worried eyes. She could see the worry in Clarke's eyes and started feeling bad for her. She didn't want Clarke to be sad for her, or have her life ruined because of her. She wanted Clarke to be happy, not worried.

Lexa had tears in her eyes before wiping them off and telling the blonde, "Clarke. You don't have to be here with me. Go back to class, I don't want you to see me like this."

Clarke immediately took Lexa's hands in her owns, "You don't have to be alone Lexa."

Lexa looked in her eyes for a second. She wanted Clarke to feel the same for her, for Clarke to love her. Sadly, Lexa knew that she didn't want her. She let her hands go of Clarke's grasp and looked down on the floor shaking her head.

"I don't want you getting involved with me Clarke."

"Please, Lexa. Let me help you. I won't hurt you."

"I'm broken Clarke. You can't help someone who's broken"

Lexa left the bathroom with tears in her eyes and went outside of the school. She needed some fresh air. She remembered the words the other students would say to her.

_"Dyke."_

_"Queer."_

_"Smear the queer."_

_"Smear the queer."_

 


	2. A Broken One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: SELF HARM OCCURS IN THIS CHAPTER!!!!

_2 years ago..._

_Lexa stepped out of the bus while getting a few pieces of paper thrown at her. She decided to ignore them, hoping it will go away. She wanted so badly to scream and curse them all out, but she knew that she didn't have that voice in her to stand up for herself._

_She walked backed home and knocked on the door a few times. She was greeted by her sister Anya, who had a smile on her face. Her smile immediately went down when she saw Lexa with a depressed frown. Anya let Lexa in the house and shut the door before saying to her sister, "Rough day in school commander?"_

_Lexa rolled her eyes and the nickname Anya gave her and out her backpack down. "Don't call me that Anya, anyway where's dad at?"_

_Anya folded her arms, noticing that Lexa ignored her original question. "You didn't answer my question sis, how was school?"_

_Lexa looked away from her sister and took a deep sigh. "Terrible, as always."_

_Anya frowned. "Those kids still make fun of you about your sexuality huh?"_

_Lexa looked on the floor before sitting down. She swallowed the lump that was in her throat. "Yeah." Lexa tried to look as emotionless as possible, but she was upset that people made fun of her because of who she liked and who she was._

_Anya took her in a really tight hug and kissed her forehead. "It'll get better Lex."_

_"How do you know?" Lexa said with tears starting to fill her eyes._

_"Because you're strong. You can get through anything if you believe you can. I know that you can handle a few of those assholes. Don't mind them Lexa, they're assholes who are missing the chance to get to know you. You're amazing, and strong."_

_Lexa pulled her sister in for the tightest hug she could ever imagine giving to someone. She needed those words. She needed to believe that she could do it. She needed to believe that she was strong. She was, she really really was._

 

Present

Lexa watched as the blood ran down her arm, pain surging in her arm. She watched the blood pour down as she took deep breaths. She grabbed the razor and sliced it through her arm horizontally once more. She gritted her teeth, the pain on this one was worse than the other cuts she made. No matter how painful these cuts were, they weren't as painful as to what she's been through. It wasn't just the bullying that made her feel this way, it was the way her mother died. Her mom died not accepting Lexa for who she was. This broke Lexa, and the bullying wouldn't help it at all.

She wanted for all of this to be over. For the pain to go away for good. She slowly raised the razor to her neck with trembling hands. She looked at herself in the mirror and realized how much pain she's been through. She realized the demon that formed inside of her.

Before slicing it through her neck, she remembered Anya's words to her.

_You're strong._

_"You can get through anything."_

Lexa remembered her father, Gustus.

_Be strong_

_Do not be fooled by your demons._

She remembered Clarke. She remembered the girl who wanted to help her. She remembered the girl who was always happy and joyful. She couldn't imagine what Clarke would feel if she sliced the sharp object through her neck. She couldn't.

Lexa quickly dropped the razor and held tightly on the sides of the sink taking deep breaths. She looked at the counter and found a picture of her and Costia. Lexa had her arms around her with a huge smile and Costia pressed a kiss on Lexa's cheek with a smile on her face as well.

She remembered when she was happy with Costia. She remembered when Costia would help her with her problems and Lexa would just ignore the bullies.

It all changed when Costia died in a car accident.

_1 year ago..._

_"Oh come on Lex, how can you not like Taylor Swift?" Costia jokingly asked her girlfriend_

_"She's too... ugh."_

_"Too ugh? Wow. Descriptive."_

_Lexa rolled her eyes and playfully hit the other girl's arm._

_"Hey!"_

_"You deserved it! You sarcastic weirdo."_

_Costia then burst out laughing at the name Lexa gave her and the irony of it all._

_"Really? You're so much more sarcastic than I am."_

_"No way."_

_"I love you Alexandria. You know that right?"_

_"I love you too Costia."_

_Costia smiled and had tears starting to form in her eyes as she drove in the darkness. She was glad that Lexa couldn't see, she didn't want her girlfriend worrying about her._

_"Cos-!"_

**_BAM_ **

 

 

_Lexa woke up in a hospital bed with a machine strapped to her. She slowly blinked her eyes and found a red headed woman with papers in her hands._

_"Glad to see you awake Ms. Woods."_

_Lexa looked around and was confused on what was happening._

_"What happened?"_

_"You were in a car accident. A driver didn't have his lights on and was speeding too fast. He then hit you and your car flipped over."  The doctor informed her._

_"W-What happened to Costia?"_

_"Costia Greene? I'm sorry Ms. Woods, we did everything we could-"_

_"WHERE IS SHE?" Lexa asked panicking._

_"She didn't make it. I'm sorry."_

_"No. Please, can't you do something?"  
_ _The doctor had a sad look on her face and looked at the ground. She slowly shook her head._

_"We did everything we could."_

_Lexa shook her head, not believing what was happening. She wanted all this to be a dream, and for Costia to wake up next to her. She wanted more time with her girlfriend. That was all she was asking for, more time._

 

Present

"I needed you, Cos." Lexa said looking at the framed photo.

"I still do. Please, come back. Come back to me. I love you so much."

Lexa took the framed photo in her hands and started sobbing. She needed her lover back. She needed more time with her.

 

Lexa woke up several times that night. All of a sudden, she realized she remembered the man's face. It was someone she knew. Someone she should have confronted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How'd you like it? Sorry for the wait, I was really busy with week.


	3. Don't Help Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa finds the man who killed her lover. Clarke wants to help Lexa, but Lexa just pushes her away.

When Lexa came to school  that day, she went outside to the football field. She took off her leather jacket, and her arms with scars were exposed. She found the football team practicing and she looked around for the man. Her eyes were filled with fire and looked for the man with clenched fists.

She then found Clarke and Finn making out under the bleachers and she dashed straight to Finn. She tackled him onto the ground and grabbed his collar. She punched him several times, ignoring Clarke's words in the background. Finn was trying to fight back, but Lexa wouldn't let him. She took his jacket and dragged him onto the grass. She punched him again, several times. This was the man who killed her girlfriend. The man who ruined her life.

"YOU FUCKING SON OF A BITCH! YOU KILLED HER! YOU KILLED HER!" Lexa yelled at the top of her lungs, continuing her punches on the boy.

She was pulled back by Mr. Kane, who saw what was happening, and by Clarke. She looked at Finn with his bloodied face and heavy breathing. _Good, he deserved it_ she thought. She saw several students crowding them and with their phones out, recording the incident.

"What the hell are you all looking at?! Screw all of you!" Lexa pulled out of Kane's and Clarke's grasp, and ran away from the school, pushing through the crowd who still had their phones out. She was stopped by the principal and one of the officers.

 

 

"She hurt my boy!" cried Finn's mom taking her son's hands in hers.

"I understand that mam, but Lexa is a child. She made a mistake." Kane said, trying to talk Finn's mother out of pressing charges against Lexa.

"She could have killed him! I don't care if she's a child! She hurt my son!" Mrs. Collins said with anger in her voice. "That girl needs help! She could kill someone one day. I'm not afraid of pressing charges against her!"

Lexa walked into the nurse's office, finding Finn on the bed with his mom next to him. She also saw Abby treating the boy's face and Kane with crossed arms. Lexa had bandaged fists and she would gladly give Finn another beating if it wasn't for her injured hands.

"YOU! YOU HURT MY SON!"

"That fucker deserved it!" Lexa yelled back at the lady with anger.

"What did he ever do to you? You're just some damn lunatic!"

"You need to get your damn facts right lady. That boy called me a dyke and murdered my girlfriend!"

"Finn would never murder someone! It was your girlfriend who needed to watch the road that day!"

Lexa looked at the woman with an intense stare. Intense enough to kill a person. She glared at her and slowly made her way to the stupid woman.

"If you speak of my dead girlfriend again, I swear to god I will-"

"Lexa!"

Lexa found Clarke behind her with a shocked expression. She knew that the blonde was probably afraid of her by now. Who wouldn't be? She's a monster,

"Your boyfriend's right there."

Lexa turned toward the door and headed out, bumping into Clarke's shoulders. Why would she protect him? Lexa started to think why she was even attracted to Clarke in the first place. She was just another stuck up blonde who only helped her to make herself look good.

"Lexa! Stop!"

"WHAT! What do you want?!" Lexa yelled, turning her head at the concerned blonde.

"I didn't come here for Finn, I came here for you."

Lexa creased her brows and looked at Clarke, swallowing the lump in her throat.

"What do you want from me Clarke?" Lexa asked, softly this time. She looked down at the floor refusing to meet the blonde's eyes.

"I want to help you. Please let me help you." Clarke asked getting closer to the broken brunette.

As Clarke got closer, Lexa took a step back, trying to stay away from the blonde. She didn't need her help. She had Anya and Gustus. She didn't need anyone else, certainly not Clarke.

"Why don't you go back to your boyfriend. He's hurt."

"Why'd you do it Lexa?"

Lexa looked up at Clarke, trying hard to keep her emotions to herself. She tried hard not to cry in front of Clarke.

"Stay away from me, Clarke." Lexa said, turning away from Clarke and swallowing the giant lump in her throat.

"What if I don't want to?" Clarke said with a soft voice that Lexa almost couldn't hear it, except she still did.

"I don't need your help, I'm not a damn charity case."

Clarke shook her head and stepped forward to Lexa, who was about to leave, but Clarke managed to grab her arm and made Lexa look her in the eyes.

"You're not a charity case to me Lexa. I'm not helping you because you're a charity case, I'm helping you because I want to be your friend. I want to be there for you. I've seen the cuts on your arms Lexa, please let me be there for you."

"I can't do that." Lexa said with a soft whisper.

"Okay. If you want me to never bother you again, just say it in my face. Tell me you don't need me." Clarke said never leaving her gaze from the brunette's eyes.

Lexa hesitated before saying, "I-I don't need you."

Clarke looked at Lexa with defeat and watery ocean blue eyes. She finally released her grip from Lexa's arm and took a step back.

"Okay I get it."

Clarke quickly turned away from Lexa and left. Lexa took a deep sigh and looked up at the ceiling trying to contain her emotions. She already regretted her mistake. She realized that Clarke was right. She needed somebody, someone to be with her. Not just anybody. She needed Clarke.

 

 


	4. NOT A CHAPTER

Okay, so I just finished writing a really long chapter and it crashed -__________-

 

It was like the longest chapter I've written so far and it didn't get saved

 

anyways, sorry for the wait, but I'm possibly gonna post the new chapter tomorrow.


	5. Regrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Abby has a talk with Clarke. Lexa realizes her feelings for Clarke mean a lot to her.  
> Warning: May get triggering

Clarke turned from Lexa and walked away as quickly as possible so Lexa wouldn't see her in tears. How stupid was she to actually believe that she could become friends with Lexa. How stupid was she to actually believe Lexa would open up to some random stranger. How stupid.

When she was finally out of the building, Clarke took a deep breath and wiped the tears on her cheeks with her sleeves. She couldn't cry this time. She couldn't cry at something so dumb and useless. She had better things to worry about. (Didn't she?). Clarke sat down on a bench and closed her eyes. This was what she needed. Some fresh air and some time to process things. It wasn't just about Lexa pushing her away, it was also about Finn somehow being involved with Lexa. She never felt anything for Finn anyway. (So why did she even bother dating him?).

Clarke opened her eyes at the sound of quiet footsteps behind her. She turned around and found her mom standing there with a forced smile. (She definitely wasn't expecting or wanting it to be Lexa. Definitely not). She returned the smile with a small, sad one showing her mother that she really didn't feel amazing at this time. Abby made her way to sit by Clarke and offer her comfort.

"Why?" This was the first thing that came out of Abby's mouth, and it honestly surprised Clarke.

"What do you mean?" The confused girl asked.

"Why do you help her? Why do you want to help Lexa?" The older woman replied.

Clarke doesn't know how to answer. She honestly doesn't know the answer to this. (Lies). She doesn't know why, out of all people, she chose to help Lexa. Maybe she just decided to help someone who needed it. Yeah, that was probably why. (Lies. They were all lies and she knew it).

"I wanted to help someone, you know? When I saw Lexa being treated like that, I wanted to be there for her. I wanted to be her friend, but..." Clarke sighed "She just keeps pushing me away. She doesn't want me to help. It's better if I left her alone."

Abby smiled at this. "Are you going to let that stop you?"

"What?"

"Are you really going to let that stop you? Clarke, you told me yourself that once you have a goal, you don't stop until you accomplish it. You don't give up on that goal. You don't just stop because the person is pushing you away. You just don't give up." Abby said wisely.

"But I don't want to force her into all of this. I know she doesn't like me at all, so I don't want to push her into doing something she doesn't want to just because I want it. I have to think about what she wants."

This was a lie. Clarke just doesn't realize that yet.

"Is that what she really wants? Do you really think she hates your guts?"

Clarke was silent. A part of her wanted to believe that Lexa definitely hated her. This part of her believed that Lexa was so used to getting hurt by everyone that it was so much easier to step back and let the other girl handle her problems if that's how she wanted to be. But another part of her believed that Lexa needed her. She didn't want Lexa to be used to getting hurt. She didn't want Lexa to think she would always be alone. She wanted to be there for Lexa.

"I..." Clarke was unable to answer. Abby nodded her head in understanding and stood up to leave.

"Don't be so stubborn." She kissed her daughter's head and walked away leaving Clarke there to make a choice. It was head or heart. Her mother made it really clear there were only two choices.

Clarke took a deep breath. The decision wasn't easy, but she knew that it had to come sooner or later, no matter how hard it was. She checked her phone and checked the time. It was only 10:25 am and she put her phone in her pocket before making her way back to the building.

As she made her way to the building, an announcement came on saying, "Students, please make your way to your second period classes. Classes will go on normally, I apologize for the inconvenience." She heart Principal Jaha say on the loud speaker.

 

* * *

 

 

When Clarke made her way to her second period class, History, with Mr. Kane, she noticed Lexa was in her usual spot and was staring at her. Clarke quickly looked away when they both made eye contact and sat down in a seat away from Lexa. She set her bags down and took out her belongings.

"Clarke." She heard Lexa whisper behind her with a broken voice.

Clarke's heart broke when she heard the other girl's voice. It was like a desperate cry of help. A cry so broken. Before she had the chance to turn around to meet the broken girl's face, Kane cleared his throat and looked at Lexa.

"Ms. Woods, I suggest not causing any trouble after the scene you made today. You've been in enough trouble as it is."

"Yes sir." Lexa whispered, sinking down in her seat.

Kane clapped his hands and pointed to the board. "Okay, now where were we-?"

**BAM!**

The class remained silent, confused as to why they heard a gunshot like sound. Lexa looked around in confusion like everyone else. Kane was about to speak again before another gunshot was heard in the distance.

This time, Kane ducked down and gestured for the class to get in lockdown position. He quickly went to the door to lock it and immediately closed all the curtains. He turned off the lights and sat on the floor with the rest of the class.

Silence.

The room was silent except for the clock ticking. Some students had tears streaming down their faces as they struggled not to make a sound. Clarke sat in a corner and pulled her phone out, texting her mom to make sure she was safe.

"Hey, I'm sure she's okay." Lexa whispered.

Clarke nodded her head and went back to her phone.

**Clarke Griffin 10:38:** _Mom, I heard the gunshots, are you okay?_

The response was immediate.

**Mom 10:38:** _I love you so much sweetheart. I love you so much. Promise me you'll get through whatever happens._

Clarke's heart started to pound furiously. Her mother must have been in a terrible place. She started panicking, not even realizing there were tears coming down her cheeks. Lexa took an immediate notice and had a concerned look on her face.

**Clarke Griffin 10:39** _Mommy, please. You'll be okay. We'll be okay. I'm coming to get you, alright?_

Clarke wasn't thinking at all. She quickly stood up quietly and made her way to the door, before being stopped by Kane.

"Clarke what the hell do you think you're doing?" He said quietly.

"My mom's out there. I-I don't whether she's alive or not. I have to go see her." Clarke whispered while crying.

"Clarke... no." Lexa announced. She stood up from where she was sitting and looked at the blonde with glossy bright green eyes and a face that screamed concern for the blonde. She knew this idea was idiotic.

"I'm sorry." With that, Clarke quickly opened the door, ignoring the whispers the other students made. Kane tried to get her, but the blonde had already rushed out of the room.

Kane gestured for all the students remain calm and stay still. He knew it was too late for Clarke and he had hoped she would hopefully make her way to her mother. Kane knew it was stupid to let a child go alone during a drill. But he had other students to protect as well.

Lexa looked at the door with wide eyes. She couldn't let Clarke go out there alone. She couldn't risk seeing another person she cared about die. Lexa quickly made her way to the door, to the follow Clarke before Kane immediately grabbed her arm and shook his head. Lexa pushed him away and rushed out of the room anyway.

"Lexa!" Kane called. Before he could get to her, Lexa was already going in the direction of the blonde. Lexa didn't know what the hell she was thinking. For the first time, she chose her heart. She ignored her head. Lexa made this decision without a hesitation. Her heart was finally stronger than her head and Lexa made this decision with her heart, not her head.

Lexa walked the empty hallways of the school and the only sound that could be heard, were her footsteps. This was probably the biggest risk she had ever had to take. She went in the direction of Abby's office, knowing this was the direction the blonde was going in.

When she finally made her way to Abby's office, she was definitely not prepared for the sight she was going to see. A man with a black hood had Clarke, with tears running down her face, wrapped around his arm with a gun pointed to her temple. Abby was crying and begging for the shooter to not take her daughter's life. She pleaded and cried, but the man did nothing but laugh.

When he noticed Lexa, he laughed even harder. "Look who decided to join the party!"

Clarke turned her head to find Lexa by the doorway with wide eyes. "L-Lexa?"

"Clarke." Lexa said in a soft voice.

The guy was about to say something before a loud sound was heard and the doors were busted open.

"Drop your weapon!" A police officer yelled.

The shooter quickly ran but was stopped when he realized he was surrounded. He aimed his weapon at Clarke before two gunshots were fired.

**BAM! BAM!**

The shooter was down on the ground with a bullet wound between his eyes. Lexa was confused. she couldn't see the other gunshot. She turned her head to look at Clarke to find the most horrific sight. Clarke was shot on the stomach and looked at Lexa with wide eyed before slowly closing her eyes and dropping to floor.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fuck, I know, it's been so long. I've been having a hard time writing this story recently but eventually I became inspired again. I was also really busy with school and all the shit they assign us. They even gave us a damn summer assignment to do. Again, I'm really sorry for the delay, but I'm really hoping to continue with this story.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry. I know this chapter was really sad and full of bullying. Not only is this a love story between Clexa, but I'm also trying to spread awareness that this stuff happens to other people all the time.
> 
> Tumblr: commanderhearteyes45


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